


The Silence is Slowly Killing Me

by DrowningHETA



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Chapter 9, M/M, There's sex like once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-14 00:18:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningHETA/pseuds/DrowningHETA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Panda Pair to the 100 theme prompt challenge! Join me as I struggle through hiatus, exams, writers block and keeping these cuties in character. Cuteness and sexual tension ahoy~<3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Panda Pair, {ChinaXHong Kong}, 100 themes challenge: Theme one; ‘Introduction’  
Introduction  
It was Xiang Long’s first day at Hetalia Gakuen High, to say he was nervous would be to say the very least; anxiously he wiped his sweating palms on his new, blue and grey striped, uniform pants. Hitching his bag more securely over one shoulder he glanced nervously around, he thought he was late –on his first day, too- but it appeared that if he was it was only slightly so, due to the trio loitering in the corridor. Walking over his designated locke-  
“Kesesesese~ Bit late, aren’t we, kid?” one of the kids who had been hanging around the hallway appeared in front of him suddenly, cutting off his mental dialogue. “Wait… Aren’t you that new kid? That transfer from Hong Kong?” The boisterous albino sneered, “This must be your first day here at this hell hole, so the awesome I will give you a lesson on how things work around here.” Gilbert’s eyes glinted in a way that was almost predatory, causing Xiang to take an uncertain half-step backwards. The Asian didn’t notice but Gilbert did; his eyes turned victorious and steely, right on cue the other two came to stand behind him.   
“Hmmmm~ He’s rather attractive, don’t you think? Better not rough him up too much; I might want to keep this one~” The French one leered at him, giving his hair an expert flip, staring the smaller Asian, taking in murky dark chocolate eyes and messy dark brown hair, tan skin mixed with a neutral expression that only slightly betrayed the slight fear he was feeling.   
“Look, I, like, just want to get to my class, ‘kay? I don’t want any trouble…” Xiang told them, doing his best to sound confident.   
The third let out a low whistle, “Trouble? We’re just having a… friendly chat, aren’t we, amigo?” Antonio chuckled, managing to somehow look bright and happy but nothing anywhere near civil.  
“Gilbert! Francis! Antonio! What are you doing?!” A voice behind Xiang snapped, turning Xiang was slightly surprised to see another Chinese boy standing with his hands on his hips, in an oddly feminine pose, glaring at the said three. “You lot had damn well better not be harassing the new kid- he just got here for goodness sake!”   
The one Xiang presumed to be Antonio pouted, “Huh, we’re just breaking him in… no need to be so harsh.”   
Bre- Breaking me in?! What is this, a cult? Hong Kong thought, suddenly wishing that he had never moved to the states.   
The strange guy’s eyes narrowed, “So you are harassing him.”   
“Ohohohohoh~” Francis waltzed in front of him, drew himself up to his full height and Xiang was seriously starting to worry for the other’s safety. “But mon cher-“  
Yao’s eyes glowered even more at the French and jabbed him in the chest, “How. Many. Times. Do. I. Have. To. Tell. You. To. Not. Call. Me. That?  
Yao punctuated each word with a sharp jab, stepping forward on each syllable and so causing Francis to walk backwards as well.   
Yao then cocked his head at Xiang in a vaguely confused manner, “Don’t you have class, anyway, aru? Why are you still with these douch-bags?”   
“Yes.” Xiang returned very quickly, too quickly, “Um…” Xiang turned red when he realised that the question required two answers, “I, I mean, like… I have to get to class, but, like, I’m honestly, like, not sure where it is…” Xiang silently cursed himself for stumbling over his words so pathetically, how was he even supposed to get any respect with the way things were going?  
“Ah.” Yao’s eyes lit up in understanding, “Well, what does your timetable say, aru?” The new students always have these problems, he reminded himself.  
Xiang silently handed the other the slip of paper he’d been trying to de-code, partly glad he would finally get to class, and partly dreading going in so late.   
“Ah, you’re in my class, aru; science with Professor Livvit. By the way, he knows you guys are at school, so I don’t think you’ll get away with skipping this time, aru.” Yao directed at the Bad Touch Trio, “Come this way, I’ll show you, the name’s Yao, by the way, and you’re Xiang, right?”   
Xiang only gave a slight nod as Yao grasped his forearm lightly and led him away from the three creepers.  
“Prof, sorry I’m late… but I fetched the new student on the way, so please don’t give me detention.” Yao pleaded a tall, wiry man that Xiang gathered was Professor Livvit.  
“Detention.” The man didn’t even look up from the smoking blue mixture he was stirring, “Both of you.”   
Yao groaned and Xiang could only stare in disbelief, his first day and he had a detention. He could already tell that the coming year was going to suck.

Hey folks, may I just say that I love the Panda Pair? I love the Panda Pair. I did my best to keep them in-character, but I feel like I messed them up a bit so please give me feedback.  
DrowningHeta.

“


	2. Chappie Two:Complicated

Complicated  
It’s complicated. I mean, technically I’m, like, his brother. Okay… Not quite true, technically I’m his one of his cities, or, like, a province or whatever. China’s, like, my father. And my brother. But I grew up at England’s place, so, I totally can’t really ever see him that way.   
I don’t know what I want from him. Well, I kinda, like, do. I don’t really want to want him. I mean, yeah, he’s like, dead sexy, cooks, and looks hot in a dress. But he’s my brother. I can’t want him like that, it’s like, totally, like not normal, but then again I have nothing to compare it to. Hell, maybe it is normal, to lust after your father—brother-mother land-caretaker figure… I mean, he’s practically a brother to South Korea, and his affections are pretty accepted.  
Oh God, I am I in competition with Korea?! Korea?! I don’t think I can fight that sort of intensity. But then again, China’s never been too happy when he turns up, on the other hand he doesn’t want me to go. But if I ever told him about how I felt, would that change as well?! I definitely know China the best out of everyone. Hell, I can predict what he’ll wear. And he looks so good in shirts that hang so loosely off his torso. And that one Christmas, when we were kidnapped and forced into drag, I still have the pictures I took then. They’re my background on my computer. But… the brother boundary. It’s fucking complicated. I want him. But I shouldn’t want him. Does this count as incest? We’re not, like, related in the way humans are, but we’re still as close to brothers as we personifications can be. I honestly don’t think I would be affected a lot even if we were normal brothers. I probably only feel that way because we’re not normal, but, fuck. Besides… China mine? …Mine…? That’s… it’s ridiculous. God I love my brother so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some inner dialogue for y’all. Intense stuff… not really… Whoot~ I’mma on a role~! Two chappies in one day <3 in a couple hours, really. I love this 100 theme challenge writing thing. It makes it so much easier. Anyway, please give me feedback. DrowningHeta signing out.


	3. Making History

Making History  
“Hello, this is child welfare services, is there a problem?” A female and slightly mechanical voice sounded.  
“Yes! Yes there is! England took my baby! That bastard lured him away with firecrackers and then flew away with him on a horny stallion with wings!!” China was in hysterics, he didn’t even know why he was calling up child welfare of all things. But… but… Hong Kong!! How dare that opium bastard steal him?! And what would happen to him now?! Living with that eyebrows-freak would definitely mess him up some way or another –just look at what happened to America after being raised by him!! Oh, God… what if he got poisoned..? What if eating that sludge called ‘bangers and mash’ killed his mind?! “Noooooooo~! Hong Kong!!!” He wailed, tears stripping down his cheeks. On the other side of the line, the woman wondered vaguely if he was on drugs…  
*Present Day*  
China grumbled slightly as he de-tangled himself from his sheets, already cursing the long day ahead. Pulling on an old faded out tee-shirt he pulled his hair back into a side pony out of the way [really, it was so troublesome].   
“Ah, Teacher, you’re up,” Hong Kong walked into the room with a tray bearing a heaped bowl of steaming rice. “I made you some food, so, like, eat before it goes cold.”   
China’s heart warmed at the sight of Hong Kong carrying food, and for him no less. Really, he was so mature. “Aw, thanks Hong Kong,” China took the burden out of Hong Kong’s arms, placed it down before turning back to give Hong Kong a hug just for good measure.   
Startled slightly at the sudden touch Hong Kong just stood there for a minute, heat rising in his cheeks, before slowly returning the tight hug.   
“Right… time to eat~” China declared when he finally released Hong Kong, if Hong Kong made it, it was sure to taste good. After a few bites China raised the chopsticks to Hong Kong’s mouth with a clump of rice between them, obediently Hong Kong opened his mouth and allowed China to feed him for a bit, after all, it did taste rather good, if he said so himself.   
Getting up to leave, Hong Kong turned to face China just before exiting, “Oh, by the way, you may, like, wanna put on some pants before you leave.” And quickly hurried away to take a cold shower.  
It slowly dawned on China that he was actually naked from the waist down, cheeks stained pink, he decided to just shrug it off and continue eating.

Yes, denial always works China. Oh Hong Kong, when are you going to finally jump him? This doesn’t have /much/ to do with the title, but it still works, right..? Review~


	4. Rivalry

Rivalry  
“Damn it, Eyebrows, you are not wanted here. So just go take you capitalist arse back home to the land of the misery it came from.” China growled, eyes narrowed into slits, waiting for the English man’s next move.  
A sigh. “Look China, I didn’t come to see you, chap. I haven’t seen Hong Kong in a while so I thought I’d go visit him. Now move.” England glared back, matching ferocity for ferocity. “Just because you can’t get your ancient, dusty self out of old, pitiful rivalries doesn’t mean I can’t visit the people I raised.” England spat, voice not matching the context of his words at all.  
Oh, that one hurt. But not like China would ever let England see his sensitivity about his separation from Hong Kong, practically hissing he took a step forwards, giving England a sharp jab to the chest, “You. Should. Have. Never. Come. Into. His. Life.” Punctuating each word, each syllable with a jab.  
Schooling his face blank against the hurtful words, England took step towards China, faces inches apart. “I’ll have you know-“  
“Whoa, like what’s going on here? Don’t tell me you guys are in, like, a secret relationship or something.” Hong Kong appeared on the scene and sweat dropped, glad he arrived in time to defuse a possible fight.  
“Wha-?!”  
“Aiyahh-?!”   
The two sprung a good three feet apart, “Why would you think something like that?!” they cried in usion.  
“I would never, ever enter a relationship with this guy.” England looked aghast at the mere prospect.  
“WHAT?!” China stared at Hong Kong, wondering if he was actually being serious. “You know me better than that!! I would rather suffer the pain of a thousand curses than even kiss this guy!! Why?! He can’t cook! He’s clinically insane!”  
England’s lip twitched in annoyance.  
“He’s immature, noisy and always causing chaos!! Do you remember Halloween a few years back?! ‘Because I do! In fact, I don’t ever think I’ll be able to erase from my mind!!!”  
Deciding to back pedal and work damage control, Hong Kong said, “So, like, what’s going on?”   
“England was leaving, that’s what!” China growled savagely, crossing his arms over his chest.   
He’s rather cute when he’s fiery, Hong Kong thought, inspecting the slightly feminine gesture.  
England outright ignored the uncivil nation, “Hong Kong, I am here to talk; may we please step outside.”  
Taking in China’s pissed off expression and the Brit’s extreme annoyance, Hong Kong nodded slowly “Like, okay, I guess.”   
“Thank you.” Completely ignoring the seething China, England turned to wait outside.  
“I’ll, like, be right back in,” Hong Kong promised China, knowing how sensitive he was to these types of things. “Ten, fifteen minutes tops.”  
Telling himself he was acting paranoid, China uncrossed his arms, “Okay, just hurry back in, okay?” And gave Hong Kong a small kiss on the cheek.

Guys, guys… do you have any idea how much I love this pairing? They’re just so, so cute. Two chapters so far today. I’m going to try to get as many done as possible. DrowningHeta.


	5. Unbreakable

Unbreakable  
“China, you’re so old.” Hong Kong sighed, wincing as China popped every bone in his back into place as he slowly stood up from where he’d been lounging around in the sun.  
“Aiyah? But I am old, aru.” China muttered, rolling his eyes and streatching his arms.  
Hong Kong turned to face him, looking at him right in the eyes, “Teacher,” he began very seriously, “Every time you do that I, like, feel like you are just going to, like, break.”  
Now it was China’s turn to frown, “When I do what, aru?” cracking the bones in his fingers as well.  
Hong Kong winced again at the sickening sound, “When you do that, it, like, sounds like your bones are, like, breaking or something.”  
“Huh? I’ve always done this, even when I was young, it has nothing to do with age. Besides,” China turned to Hong Kong with slight jest in his eyes, “I am unbreakable, aru.”   
I know, Hong Kong sighed, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t freak me out…   
Crack.  
Shuddering, Hong Kong left the room as China began to work on his toes.

My sister always does this, on her feet mainly, and tries to get me to pull them for her… it’s disgusting. Especially when you can /feel/ them popping…


	6. Obsession

Obsession  
When Hong Kong was younger he had a fascination bordering on obsession with Yao’s hair. He had always marvelled at how long and soft and silky it was. He could remember –much to his own embarrassment and shame- sneaking into China’s bed just to play with his hair while he slept, spending hours braiding and re-braiding it in his fingers that were now experts in the art right up into his tween years. If Hong Kong closed his eyes he could still faintly remember the feel of it, slightly cool, always with a slight chink in it from being in a pony most of the time.   
Even when it was half singed or mixed with blood, it was still beautiful. It was so long and soft, like a caress or feather. When he went to live with England he took strands of it with him, tied around his wrist like a bracelet to remind him of China. To this day he couldn’t, wouldn’t… refused to tell England why he started crying when the other had pressed about the oddness of having human hair tied to his arm.  
Even now, Hong Kong wanted to just fall asleep running his fingers through that gorgeous, smooth, flowing almost black dark brown chocolate hair.

I was seriously stuck on what to write for this, then I remembered reading some one’s headcannon that Russia has an obsession over China’s hair [was rochu fan], so I’m like, ‘yeah, I’ll just steal that and use it for the Panda Pair’   
I also adore the phrase ‘Panda Pair’, just letting you know.


	7. Eternity

‘Kay, I’mma thinking of doing this in the same story arc as ‘introduction’  
Eternity  
“Hey, Yao,” Xiang placed the book he had been reading on his chest not Twilight, staring at his best friend from where he was lying in the grass until he had the older boy’s attention.  
“Yes, aru, what is it?” Yao replied absently, flicking a strand of dark brown hair out of his eyes.  
“…D’you think, like, eternity exists?” Xiang asked after a pause, glancing away, as though slightly embarrassed by his strange question.  
Yao frowned, pushing himself into a sitting position, “Well…” he pondered how to answer such a serious question, “It all depends on what you consider to be eternity, aru. Like, if you’re talking about time, I would say yes. Time will always continue, thus making it true- even if there was once a time it didn’t exist; if you’re talking distance, well, they say that the universe continues forever, thus being ‘eternal’, aru. Even if it the universe does end, what’s stopping it? And what’s on the other side of what is stopping it?  
They are all… intangible things; they can’t be touched, only be seen with the mind, and so cannot be destroyed. Things like… emotions, they are intangible as well, and it’s always been a personal belief of mine that ‘eternity’ exists for emotions as well, they can be passed on, from person to person, affecting generation after generation, and their effects have affect and create more emotion with remanets of the original emotion, th- that’s my personal belief, at least, aru.” Yao stuttered off, feeling uncomfortable at the intensity of Xiang’s gaze, “D-does that answer your question, aru?”  
Xiang just cocked his head at Yao, expression unreadable before giving a small half-shrug, “Guess, I, like, wanted to know your opinion on it, that’s all.”   
“Aiyah, okay then.” Yao sighed before lying back down on the soft grass beside him, waiting for the bell to ring in about 10 minutes.


	8. Gateway

Gateway  
“…And so, by mixing the phosphorous with the chlorine, the mixture should turn from an off grey to a smoky red; if it’s too red you’ve added too much phosphorous and must restart…” Xiang and Yao’s science teacher, Professor Sivvit droned on, not looking up from the thick textbook he was reciting instructions from. The man never seemed to visually take in his students, and yet had an uncanny way of knowing when one was late, skipping or reading under the table.  
Yao was carefully measuring out exactly 16mls of phosphorous into a cylinder with a slight blush that seemed to be permanent lately, while Xiang struggled to get the flame at the perfect temperature for the next stage of their task.   
Breathlessly pouring the substance into the vial containing the chlorine, unable to be rid of the excitement he found in science and study of chemicals and how they work together- in spite of their Nazi-like teacher, Yao watched with fascination as the previously murky mixture turned into the colour of the setting sun.   
They had long since figured out that Xiang was the pyromaniac of the two and Yao was the… er, scientist.  
Shoulders millimetres away from touching, Yao lifted up the vial, and with Xiang supporting the bottom of the vial, Yao got it fixed firmly in place. Making sure that Yao’s hands were safely away first, Xiang slipped a dancing, bright yellow flame under it and watched it slowly start to bubble.   
“Aiyah~ it’s so pretty.” Yao commented on the substance, causing Xiang to glance at him with a small smile on his relaxed features. Yao did really like this kind of stuff, he was at the top of the grade –in fact he was almost the only one who had good grades in science, Sivvit was able to make most students shudder at the very word science. Not because he was a bad teacher, but because, through no apparent fault of his own, he managed to squish all fun right out of the subject.   
They both stared right at it, waiting for the bubbles to even out so they could finish, faces only inches away from the vial, and heads mere centimetres away from each other.  
“…After the bubbles even out, pour the mixture into a shallow dish and add the flour…” Professor Sivvit seized their vial as he said this, to show the rest of the class how the mix was supposed to look.   
Yao, who had been transfixed on the mixture, blinked in sudden confusion as to why it had disappeared in front of him.  
Xiang, who had been transixed by the flame beneath it also noticed the abrupt disappearance.  
Turning to face each other at the same time, the two wacked the sides of their faces together, “Ouch…” Yao murmured, but didn’t move.   
“Ow… Are you okay, Yao?” asked Xiang, rubbing his own cheek at the slight sting and to try to get the blush down.   
“Yea-Aiyah!!” Yao cried out as the small, exposed flame belched a fireball the size of his head, jerking his whole body away from the danger, knocking Xiang off his seat.  
They landed awkwardly, to say the least, with Yao’s hands on each side of Xiang’s chest, knees up by his waist from when Yao tried to save himself from the fall and one of Xiang’s legs up between Yao’s, just brushing his vital regions. Frozen still in half terror from the explosion, Yao could tell that he was practically straddling Xiang, and could feel himself slightly hard from the touch, but no matter how much screamed at himself to get up, his body refused to obey him.   
Seeing Yao’s eyes glazed over with fear Xiang slowly straightened himself up, shifting his weight and legs till he was in a slight sitting position, all the while not looking away from Yao’s huge, chocolate eyes. The movement seemed to snap Yao out of it somewhat, and he leaped upwards, after a couple of seconds just standing there, still hovering over Xiang’s body, noticing how the movement had made his shirt slide up, exposing lean, firm abdominals, and the heat in his cheeks worsened and his tights were starting to feel just a little tighter than before, quickly, Yao hauled Xiang to his feet.   
“…S-Sorry…” Yao mumbled, feeling ashamed at having pushed them over in the first place and the state it had put him in.  
“It’s fine.” Xiang reassured his friend.  
By now, the entire class was looking up, however, luckily –or unluckily for Elizaveta- their attention was focused on the two that had spilt flour everywhere, Arthur looking half stunned and half furious with large eyebrows also half singed, and Alfred who was always claiming to be a ‘hero’ looking sheepish and apologetic. Kiku did see what had transpired between the two, and had snapped a couple photos to use as blackmail against Yao.

Where is he? Xiang wondered, standing by the school gates, we always walk home together… maybe he’s angry at me. But I haven’t done anything… or maybe he’s just too embarrassed… Xiang glanced down at his watch, wondering how long he should wait for Yao.  
Speak of the devil “Aiyah~ Xiang!” Yao called out to him, “Ah, good, you waited for me, thanks. I just had some… um… business to deal with Kiku, ahaha~” Hoisting his bag higher up on his shoulders in a sort of innocent, embarrassed, feminine way. “Well, shall we go? Let’s go!” Yao faced Xiang with a huge smile on his face.  
Gorgeous, was all Xiang could think of as they walked side by side, shoulders almost touching.

Sexual tension ahoy~!


	9. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay, this is the one with the porn

Death  
“Ah… ah…. Mmm. Ah! Xiang….” Yao gasped, always the louder of the two as he thrust inside of Xiang, feeling his tight walls all around him, smooth and constricting him, the warmth that was Xiang sending sparkles of pleasure through his being, gripping Xiang’s hips, he pushed in as far as he could.   
Xiang bit back a small whimper of lust and pleasure as Yao’s length pushed against a certain spot inside him, and threw his head back as Yao rubbed the slit on his member, bubbles of pleasure erupting around his abdomen. He knew he was close to coming, especially with Yao making such sexy noises as he slammed in and out of him.  
“Ah! Xi- Xi- … Xiang~” Yao mewled, the friction of feeling Xiang all around him as he started to pant. Xiang was the first to come, splattering semen on them both, instinctively tightening around Yao, and in turn pushing Yao over the edge, and felt cum shoot up himself. Unable to stop himself, a routine squeak fell from Xiang’s lips as Yao pulled himself out of him, and finding himself feeling strangely empty without Yao inside of him. Xiang struggled desperately to steady his breathing as Yao settled next to him, pulling him into a hug, dirty as they were.  
*Two years later*  
Xiang settled himself down on the double bed, no longer as quite so conscious of all the spare space around him as he once was, he no longer felt the weight missing beside him as he slept, or heard steady breathing aside from his own as he closed his eyes and drifted off to the desperate clutches of sleep. Purposefully steadying his breathing, Xiang willed his mind to lose consciousness, he willed the sleeping pills his therapist prescribed him to kick in and send him to oblivion.   
Damnit.  
His pillow began to dampen, Xiang couldn’t feel it; he had schooled himself not to be able to feel his eyes burn, the tear ducts in the corner of his eyes feeling as though they would fall off, the steady, burning ache in his throat, a hard lump that travelled up and down his sarcophagus, trying to strangle him, blocking any air that was heaved in from entering his body, and forcing it to rush back out until Xiang was dizzy from lack of oxygen.   
Gulping down unnecessary amounts of oxygen to slow his heartbeat, Xiang buried his head under his soft duvet, unable to feel his heart claw at the rest of his chest; leaving gauges of misery in its path of self-destruction.   
Clear the mind. Xiang could practically hear his therapist’s voice in his head, the past is the past, nothing can change what happened. You need to take control of your life, believing something is the first step for it to come true. Tell yourself you cannot feel the pain as you go to sleep and it will one day come true.  
Letting out strangled sob, Xiang twisted the sheets in his hands.  
I can feel nothing. I am strong. I can feel nothing. I am strong.  
Taking a locket off the bedside table, Xiang opened it to reveal long strands of dark brown hair. With a shaking finger he caressed it and then placed it back on the table.  
I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong.  
I feel nothing.  
The past is the past.   
I feel nothing.  
Hysterical breathing at last calming down, Xiang felt the sedative in the sleeping pills begin to work their magic and pull him away from reality.

“”  
Somewhere apart from reality Yao faced him, “Always remember, Xiang,” Yao told him with a small, sad smile, “Memories are what make us strong, remember the good times and the bad times, let your feelings of them mix together so that you never wish to let go of life. Every breath you take, every tear that you shed… the very fact that you’re living honours the dead, through life you must give and experience as much love as possible to make up for those of us who have passed.” At this point, Yao wiped a tear from Xiang’s cheek, who just stood there, seeing but not seeing his lover. Yao sighed gently, and gave Xiang a peck on the cheek where the tear had been and a smile so full of love and pity. “By the time you awake you’ll probably have forgotten this, but please, always do your best to go on, and one day, I promise you, you’ll be able to remember our times together with a smile.”  
“”  
Xiang wiped his bleary eyes, knowing they were red and puffy.   
I feel nothing. I am strong.  
Something twisted painfully in his gut, smothering a scream he ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time as he emptied his bowls, certain he would throw up an organ with the intensity, feeling his throat screaming in agony from rawness he longed to get a drink, but the stench over powered him and once again he was on his knees dry heaving.   
*Five months ago*  
Xiang was fussing over the Christmas decorations, should he put the red tinsel at the bottom of the tree or just leave it dressed in simple golden baubles?  
A buzzer sounded, was that the cake in the oven? Glancing at the clock he decided it as too early for that. The buzzer rang again, and Xiang realised it was the door, “Yao, is that, like, you? Ya’ know you, like, live here as well, right? You don’t have to like, ring, just, like let yourself in.” He opened the door and was slightly surprised to see two police officers standing by, “Can I, like, help you?” Xiang asked monotonously.   
The two glanced at each other; no matter how many times they did this they both knew that it would never easier.  
“Xiang Long?” The female officer said at last, and Xiang just nodded, “Could we come in?” feeling as foreboding as the Grim Reaper just standing by the man’s door.  
“I, like, guess.” Xiang replied, impatient for them to get going and for Yao to return so that he could eat.   
“So, like, what is it?” He asked once in the lounge room and the two officers glanced at each other again, their knowing looks really starting to annoy Xiang.  
“Sir, I am very sorry to have to tell you this…” This time the male officer spoke up, and dread stroke Xiang’s back with its icy fingers at his words.  
“This afternoon, around three there was a car crash downtown, a certain Wang Yao was involved,” He looked up, and seeing all colour drain from the Xiang’s face he knew that the man was someone very, very important to him. “He died on to the way to the hospital, we did all that we could, I am very sorry for your loss.”  
What?  
Xiang slowly at himself down, taking in the sudden information… Yao dead? Just like that..?  
Seeing the familiar look on the Xiang’s face, the two officers stood, “We’ll let ourselves out.” They said at the exact same time, and then glanced at each other, as though surprised at the synchronicity of their thoughts.   
Xiang wanted to strangle them, seeing the passing glance.   
On the way out the woman decided to abandon all professionalism and gave Xiang a tight hug, feeling silly when it Xiang just sat there like a stone statue.

The funeral was held only a week into January, while snow was still falling slowly and softly, making everything around it look like a winter wonderland, like Narnia under the rein of the White Witch. Yao was buried outside, beside a huge oak tree whose towering limbs drooped over the grave, shielding it somewhat from the snow. When Xiang saw Yao’s corpse before the funeral, he hadn’t marvelled at how peaceful he looked, or the serenity of it, or thought that he was just sleeping… Xiang had just thought Yao looked dead. Dead and gone, he had left, and all that remain behind was a shell.   
Xiang had run out of that room. Run away from where Yao was dead, away from where he was alone, where there as a world without Yao, from where there was nothing but people dressed in black upon the pure white snow. Unable to contain himself he had just collapsed in the sludge of half melted snow and dirt, sobbing and shivering. Until a person he eternally forgot to thank put a blanket around his shoulders a placed a mug of hot milo in his hands.  
“Aru, you’re welcome, just don’t forget to take care of yourself.”  
Xiang sprang up. The man was gone. The blanket and drink were there so it couldn’t have been a ghost.  
“”  
*Present Day*  
“I know, aru, just live for me. Find a way to beckon happiness back into your life.”  
Xiang payed no more attention to the annoying voice that popped into his head from time to time anymore, tired of how it made him tired. Just wanting the pain to end.  
End.

Well, watcha think? I wrote this at midnight so… I’m not quite sure how that may have affected my writing and/or style. Give me feedback.  
Going to bed,   
Sincerely,   
DrowningHeta.


	10. Opportunites

Death  
“Ah… ah…. Mmm. Ah! Xiang….” Yao gasped, always the louder of the two as he thrust inside of Xiang, feeling his tight walls all around him, smooth and constricting him, the warmth that was Xiang sending sparkles of pleasure through his being, gripping Xiang’s hips, he pushed in as far as he could.   
Xiang bit back a small whimper of lust and pleasure as Yao’s length pushed against a certain spot inside him, and threw his head back as Yao rubbed the slit on his member, bubbles of pleasure erupting around his abdomen. He knew he was close to coming, especially with Yao making such sexy noises as he slammed in and out of him.  
“Ah! Xi- Xi- … Xiang~” Yao mewled, the friction of feeling Xiang all around him as he started to pant. Xiang was the first to come, splattering semen on them both, instinctively tightening around Yao, and in turn pushing Yao over the edge, and felt cum shoot up himself. Unable to stop himself, a routine squeak fell from Xiang’s lips as Yao pulled himself out of him, and finding himself feeling strangely empty without Yao inside of him. Xiang struggled desperately to steady his breathing as Yao settled next to him, pulling him into a hug, dirty as they were.  
*Two years later*  
Xiang settled himself down on the double bed, no longer as quite so conscious of all the spare space around him as he once was, he no longer felt the weight missing beside him as he slept, or heard steady breathing aside from his own as he closed his eyes and drifted off to the desperate clutches of sleep. Purposefully steadying his breathing, Xiang willed his mind to lose consciousness, he willed the sleeping pills his therapist prescribed him to kick in and send him to oblivion.   
Damnit.  
His pillow began to dampen, Xiang couldn’t feel it; he had schooled himself not to be able to feel his eyes burn, the tear ducts in the corner of his eyes feeling as though they would fall off, the steady, burning ache in his throat, a hard lump that travelled up and down his sarcophagus, trying to strangle him, blocking any air that was heaved in from entering his body, and forcing it to rush back out until Xiang was dizzy from lack of oxygen.   
Gulping down unnecessary amounts of oxygen to slow his heartbeat, Xiang buried his head under his soft duvet, unable to feel his heart claw at the rest of his chest; leaving gauges of misery in its path of self-destruction.   
Clear the mind. Xiang could practically hear his therapist’s voice in his head, the past is the past, nothing can change what happened. You need to take control of your life, believing something is the first step for it to come true. Tell yourself you cannot feel the pain as you go to sleep and it will one day come true.  
Letting out strangled sob, Xiang twisted the sheets in his hands.  
I can feel nothing. I am strong. I can feel nothing. I am strong.  
Taking a locket off the bedside table, Xiang opened it to reveal long strands of dark brown hair. With a shaking finger he caressed it and then placed it back on the table.  
I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong.  
I feel nothing.  
The past is the past.   
I feel nothing.  
Hysterical breathing at last calming down, Xiang felt the sedative in the sleeping pills begin to work their magic and pull him away from reality.

“”  
Somewhere apart from reality Yao faced him, “Always remember, Xiang,” Yao told him with a small, sad smile, “Memories are what make us strong, remember the good times and the bad times, let your feelings of them mix together so that you never wish to let go of life. Every breath you take, every tear that you shed… the very fact that you’re living honours the dead, through life you must give and experience as much love as possible to make up for those of us who have passed.” At this point, Yao wiped a tear from Xiang’s cheek, who just stood there, seeing but not seeing his lover. Yao sighed gently, and gave Xiang a peck on the cheek where the tear had been and a smile so full of love and pity. “By the time you awake you’ll probably have forgotten this, but please, always do your best to go on, and one day, I promise you, you’ll be able to remember our times together with a smile.”  
“”  
Xiang wiped his bleary eyes, knowing they were red and puffy.   
I feel nothing. I am strong.  
Something twisted painfully in his gut, smothering a scream he ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time as he emptied his bowls, certain he would throw up an organ with the intensity, feeling his throat screaming in agony from rawness he longed to get a drink, but the stench over powered him and once again he was on his knees dry heaving.   
*Five months ago*  
Xiang was fussing over the Christmas decorations, should he put the red tinsel at the bottom of the tree or just leave it dressed in simple golden baubles?  
A buzzer sounded, was that the cake in the oven? Glancing at the clock he decided it as too early for that. The buzzer rang again, and Xiang realised it was the door, “Yao, is that, like, you? Ya’ know you, like, live here as well, right? You don’t have to like, ring, just, like let yourself in.” He opened the door and was slightly surprised to see two police officers standing by, “Can I, like, help you?” Xiang asked monotonously.   
The two glanced at each other; no matter how many times they did this they both knew that it would never easier.  
“Xiang Long?” The female officer said at last, and Xiang just nodded, “Could we come in?” feeling as foreboding as the Grim Reaper just standing by the man’s door.  
“I, like, guess.” Xiang replied, impatient for them to get going and for Yao to return so that he could eat.   
“So, like, what is it?” He asked once in the lounge room and the two officers glanced at each other again, their knowing looks really starting to annoy Xiang.  
“Sir, I am very sorry to have to tell you this…” This time the male officer spoke up, and dread stroke Xiang’s back with its icy fingers at his words.  
“This afternoon, around three there was a car crash downtown, a certain Wang Yao was involved,” He looked up, and seeing all colour drain from the Xiang’s face he knew that the man was someone very, very important to him. “He died on to the way to the hospital, we did all that we could, I am very sorry for your loss.”  
What?  
Xiang slowly at himself down, taking in the sudden information… Yao dead? Just like that..?  
Seeing the familiar look on the Xiang’s face, the two officers stood, “We’ll let ourselves out.” They said at the exact same time, and then glanced at each other, as though surprised at the synchronicity of their thoughts.   
Xiang wanted to strangle them, seeing the passing glance.   
On the way out the woman decided to abandon all professionalism and gave Xiang a tight hug, feeling silly when it Xiang just sat there like a stone statue.

The funeral was held only a week into January, while snow was still falling slowly and softly, making everything around it look like a winter wonderland, like Narnia under the rein of the White Witch. Yao was buried outside, beside a huge oak tree whose towering limbs drooped over the grave, shielding it somewhat from the snow. When Xiang saw Yao’s corpse before the funeral, he hadn’t marvelled at how peaceful he looked, or the serenity of it, or thought that he was just sleeping… Xiang had just thought Yao looked dead. Dead and gone, he had left, and all that remain behind was a shell.   
Xiang had run out of that room. Run away from where Yao was dead, away from where he was alone, where there as a world without Yao, from where there was nothing but people dressed in black upon the pure white snow. Unable to contain himself he had just collapsed in the sludge of half melted snow and dirt, sobbing and shivering. Until a person he eternally forgot to thank put a blanket around his shoulders a placed a mug of hot milo in his hands.  
“Aru, you’re welcome, just don’t forget to take care of yourself.”  
Xiang sprang up. The man was gone. The blanket and drink were there so it couldn’t have been a ghost.  
“”  
*Present Day*  
“I know, aru, just live for me. Find a way to beckon happiness back into your life.”  
Xiang payed no more attention to the annoying voice that popped into his head from time to time anymore, tired of how it made him tired. Just wanting the pain to end.  
End.

Well, watcha think? I wrote this at midnight so… I’m not quite sure how that may have affected my writing and/or style. Give me feedback.  
Going to bed,   
Sincerely,   
DrowningHeta.


	11. Memory

Chapter eleven: memory  
“Teacher! I found berries!~” A young Hong Kong grinned up at China. Mouth stained red from the berries, and hands full of slightly squished currants.   
“Teacher.” Hong Kong stated simply, frowning at China’s sleeping figure, wondering what on earth could have made him chuckle like that in his sleep.  
“Ah, Hong Kong. See that baby Panda?” China pointed in to the thick Bamboo thickets, wrapping an arm around Hong Kong’s body.  
“Y-Yeah… the one without a mummy…” Hong Kong whispered, eyes watering with pity for the lonely cub.  
“No… it isn’t without a mother.” China explained gently, pointing now slightly above the cub. Hidden by branches, and bamboo, a lumbering figure climbed steadily down the girth of a tree, food secured in her jaws.  
“See. The cub isn’t alone. Only waiting.”  
“Kyah~” China murmured in his sleep, rolling on to his stomach.   
Hong Kong let out a gentle sigh, and crouched down beside him. “Teacher…” he shook his shoulder in a bid to get China to stir.  
“Ch-China!!~” Hong Kong wailed, clutching his arm in pain.   
“AH! Hong Kong! What happened?!” China all but shrieked, taking in Hong Kong’s now deformed right arm.   
Tears streaming down from his huge eyes, all Hong Kong did was wail louder.  
“Here. Bite.” China held a stick in front of Hong Kong’s face.   
Wondering, he obediently did as he was told. And felt ready to faint as China took hold of his injured arm. There was a loud crack as China popped the bone in place, and a fresh wave of tears poured from Hong Kong’s eyes.  
Still sleeping, China half glomped Hong Kong and pulled him back down with him, wrapping his arms around Hong Kong’s torso.  
“Um… Teacher..?” Hong Kong squirmed in his grasp, trying to figure out how to escape as he realised that nothing would wake China up.   
China fiddled with Hong Kong’s soft hair, fireworks still going off in the distance like a lullaby. Feeling completely at ease with Hong Kong’s warmth pressed against his chest, China soon followed Hong Kong to sleep.  
Snuggling up against Hong Kong, China let out a contented sigh. Giving in, and letting himself be cuddled, Hong Kong relaxed in the awkward hug. 

 

So yeah, I kinda feel that this one was better, anyway, can you please review and tell me any and all thoughts? Thanks~! <3  
DrowningHeta


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